Last day at work !

Posted: December 21, 2010 in Trying to be a good parent !

Couldn’t find damn house keys last night. Mind you, I didn’t try that hard. Too tired.

I was more interested in having some snacky type food and being on the couch. Managed to keep my eyes open for Vampire Diaries (which I love) and fell asleep without having my night time bath.

Feeling much much better today. Really am just practising HALT (am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired) ….and my energy and vitality seems to be seeping back into me.

The deal with Daughter Dear’s Dad was that I would take December leave to look after Daughter Dear and he would do the January shift. Unfortunately one of his personality quirks is to be unreliable or to have plans that change at the last minute regardless of how many times it has been discussed.

I have always taught Daughter Dear not to count on her Dad turning up until he is right in front of her. I feel for her. I know what it is like not to have a Dad around. When DDD was an active crack/everything addict, it was understandable that he let her down and disappointed her.

There were times when we would be on the way to the airport to fetch him for a visit and we would get a call to say “there were road works on the way to the airport and I missed my flight”. Meanwhile, DDD would be holed up somewhere on a drug binge and too fucked to make the trip.

Once he had sobered up/come down, he did make the trip a day or two later….. I always wanted to be “hard” in those situations and say “NO ! You cannot come and see Daughter Dear. You messed up.”. I never did. Daughter Dear was too young to know what was going on so I let the visit continue albeit a few days late.

In hindsight, I should have pulled the plug then. I can only imagine that drugs were part of the holiday plans as well. Actually, drugs were part of the visits ….as there were situations at my house.

Anyways….that is the past……and now DDD is clean. But unfortunately that does not make DDD reliable. That is a myth about drug addicts. I always thought that x, y and z habits would change once DDD got clean. But in my experience, some of things you do not like about a person are actually the way they operate and nothing to do with the drugs.

DDD phoned on the weekend to say he cannot get leave from the rehab to do the January stint of Daughter Dear’s holiday.

I’m quite hurt for my daughter. That she cannot rely on her Dad to be where he said he would be.

As an adult with “Dad” issues, I can only assume that this will damage her in some way.

Nothing I can do while she is 1,000kms away on holiday with her grandparents (she flew out a few days ago)….I will arrive to be with Daughter Dear on Christmas Eve and will gauge how she is then.

Not sure what is going to happen with her for January now. She hates the holiday program thing I found so she won’t want to come back to Cape Town.

It’s no point shoving medication down her throat and sending her to therapy and letting these sort of situations carry on that hurt her ?

I am sure she is being a little trooper about the situation. But….I feel so sorry for her. She shouldn’t have to be so brave because an adult repeatedly lets her down.


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