Wipe your feet please.

Posted: January 21, 2011 in Recovery

I had a very strange day at work yesterday. I felt like a medieval prostitute restrained in one of those wooden yokes having rotten tomatoes lugged at me.

I really felt like I was on trial and had to defend myself. Not once. Not twice, but three times !!

<this is why it is all very apparent and was like being slapped in the face with a wet fish. I could not ignore it.>

 A variety of situations played out and I was left feeling the scapegoat or feeling like co-workers were pulling a dirty on me.

<But I have to bear in mind, my childhood role is scapegoat>

My Menopausal-Boss is rather a funny person (not in “ha ha” alas). I found that when my colleague….Tania…… was on leave, I got on very well with Menopausal Boss. I was her Golden Child Best Friend Administrator. But, as soon as Tania came back, I seem to have fallen from favour and am back in the usual firing line.

I am not sure if I’m imagining all this.  

Situation 1

Leaving at 2:30pm for boob appointment. MB (Menopausal Boss) asks if I shouldn’t be putting in leave. Now….annual leave for me is like gold as I live by the seat of my pants leave wise.

 No accumulations for me. Now, this seems so apparently ridiculous to me that I should be requested to submit normal leave for a medical appointment.

Surely not, I reply. Isn’t it sick leave ? So I am duly sent off to go check with HR, who also can’t believe I’ve been asked to submit leave.

At the end of it all, of course it’s sick leave. And I was left feeling very miffed off.

<it’s not as if I am ever sick. This job anyway. When I was in active addiction, I rarely made it to work on a Monday>

Situation 2

There is Easter in April coming up. There is a flurry of leave forms for approval. The public holidays are all in the one week and scattered. So of course, everyone wants those days off to make the week a “work free week”. What we usually do at Christmas (because everyone also wants the same days off there too) is draw up a roster and discuss who is going and who is staying when, how, blah, blah.

MB says…..her leave is booked. Wahooo. And Tania has put in her leave today so the rest of you are going to have to sort it out who is going to be the kippie that’s holding the fort (between myself and Nisreen).

WTF ?! Leave isn’t usually on a first come first served basis. Tania’s leave got approved with no worry about the rest of us (and I’ve been at the company much longer and am the same seniority). Hey. I also want off matey !

So I had to stand up for myself here too. Tania had to forfeit her leave form for the whole week and we came to an agreement that I’m on leave the one half and she is on leave the other.

The alternative was to be a martyr and be the arse that “holds the fort” the whole week.

Situation 3

Due to staff being on leave over December, when I came back on 04 January, I stepped in and tried to get our website up-to-date for their clients. So I came in at the tail end and did a mopping up situation. Now that they are back from leave, they should take back ownership.

A particular client sent a mail to the MD saying certain client’s websites was behind. Agreed. But, I did the best I could and in some instances, I couldn’t proceed any further because prior steps had not been completed.

To cut a long story short, MB sent out a mail (copying my MD):

Please accept my sincere apologies for not maintaining our Service standards over the festive period.  This matter has been addressed and attended to by Diddy who has been taking care of the problem whist staff have been on leave.

Again, I was miffed. At being named and shamed, when it was a function I’d only had for 2 weeks and there was a fair whack of catching up of other peoples work to be done. Also, my MD may not know the whole story. He probably just opened the mail and saw my name as being the wrong-doer.

<I did respond to get my involvement across and provide a current day snap shot.>

All-in-all, I felt quite “hard done by” (as my mother would say) by the end of the day. Then I had my boobs squashed for half an hour on top of it all.

Strange day all in all !

I am well aware that one of my faults is to fall into victim mode, but I think maybe I was a scapegoat yesterday. Truly and really. It was happening.

I cannot always assume that there are NOT bullies out there victimizing other people. Or covering their (work) butts at my expense. Sometimes, I really am a “victim” if I let it.

I tried to handle all the situations in a pleasant manner and not get my knickers in a knot. I just bleated “that’s not fair” and got the others to acknowledge perhaps I had a point.

Today, all seems quiet on the scapegoat front.

Seeing as no-one is obviously peed off with me today (no glares, I’m still being spoken to), I must have handled yesterday’s difficulties all right.

  1. Bearskin says:

    Hi Diddy. Well done for standing up for yourself. A thought. If scapegoat is your role, maybe, historically, your colleagues find you convenient to dish it to. Maybe getting blame flying your way was more about their expectations than any wrong-doing on your part. Maybe after letting them know yesterday that you are no longer willing to be the scapegoat they will, a; continue to like you, and, b; slowly stop trying to blame you. It needs to be less hassle for them to do something else besides blame you – path of least resistance. I hope you have a good weekend. Give yourself a hug for being a wonderful person.

  2. diddy says:

    True Bearskin. I did not think of that.
    Hugs to you too.

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