Aha !

Posted: January 25, 2011 in Anxiety, Depression, Medication

Having a bit of an Oprah moment today ! (I see even She is not oblivious to family drama. A sister has popped out of the woodwork I saw on a headline somewhere).

I’ve come to a realisation. Which I hope sticks with me for longer than a nano-second.

<I have plenty of said realisations, but …sadly….it don’t mean they sink in on a permanent level>

I am on about a week of full dose medication (thank you for the tips on setting a pill alarm !). Today is the first day I am starting to feel abit more no-so-glum (I’m sneaking a peak at my pink lenses sunglasses….).

Could be the meds. Could be having a good night’s sleep. Could be a change in my attitude.

I thought “let me quickly go through my blog and see when I started medication” <a blog is a brilliant way of keeping track of all these sort of things……medication changes………when did I last have PMS…….etc>.

Soooooo…..I go through parts of my blog categorised as “medication”

I’ve been whining about medication and feeling up and down for about 6 months now (inbetween other bleatings about Porra and PMS! and the occassional yahoooooo-I’m-feeling-better- than- James Brown-on-acid).

I’m thinking maybe my expectations of medication are a little high.

(Me ? High Expectations ? Never !)

I have learnt in the past that I do have rather high expectations…..of Porra…….of myself……and it always ends up with me being disappointed. It all ties in with being a perfectionist and being disappointed if things don’t work out perfect).

I always tell Daughter Dear’s Dad……under promise and over deliver. And I should be following my own advice (it’s always so much easier to analyse someone else and dish out some wisdom, eh ?!)

Medication is not some one-stop-happy-shop. I’ve been thinking that it’s the proverbial icing on the cake. That it will give me the one final push towards the Mecca of Happiness.

That once it kicks in, all my anxiety, depression and weird thoughts will melt away.

It’s not going to melt away. It can be lessened. But I don’t think it will go away completely (which is my expectation ?).

But…………..It is really just one part of my whole- medley- of -looking- after- Diddy- things that I need to do and it’s not meant to be a miracle in tablet form !

I’m still going to battle some days (if not plenty) even if I’m on medication.

I don’t know if I really got that. Until now.

  1. Bearskin says:

    Thanks for sharing. I found it quite hard to come to terms with the idea that there is no perfect life. My life will never be only smooth sailing with glorius days. Now that I have let go of that fantasy I find I can still access a feeling of ok-ness within myself even when the seas are stormy (to continue the metaphor). Mike always used to say, ‘good sailors aren’t made by calm seas’ and this helps me to remember that my skills are honed by adversity. I also see now that if I overcome adversity I can feel proud of myself, so overcoming tough bits of my life can lead to improved self esteem. It was letting go of the expectation and seeing things as they are that helped me move on. Hugs.

  2. diddy says:

    “Coming to terms with the idea there is no perfect life”.
    That’s profound !
    I think I always expected a perfect life at the end of the rainbow !
    Thanks BS for your comment. Always very insightful.

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