Porra’s always smell like garlic

Posted: January 28, 2011 in Fun stuff. Recovery is not all meetings and coffee...., Relationship shit

There are pro’s and con’s to living with a porra.

Pro’s

There is always food available. Porra’s live for food. And I don’t just mean live. I mean LIVE ! Porra can be broke on the bones of his ass. But he can always afford some garlic polony or steak with fried egg on top. His number one thought pattern is about food and what is for the next meal (the last meal hasn’t even been digested yet).

When I arrive home from work, should I ask “how was your day ?”. I always get a rundown of his meals for the day or the lack thereof if he was too busy. That is not what I asked ! 

Daughter Dear loves all the cooking and food as she existed on a diet of oven chips and fish fingers pre-Porra. With the occassional lasagna thrown in once a week or so. She prefers his cooking to mine (a no brainer really).

Con’s #1

Said food can be of the disgusting- to- anglo- saxon- variety. It’s a bit of a massacre area my kitchen.

I have seen brains being cooked. Huge tongues (boil and then peel). Livers of various shapes and sizes. Whole animals (lobsters). Heart (fried if I remember correctly). Giblets. Tentacles (that’s not too bad. Although Daughter Dear’s eyes popped out of her head because she thought Porra was eating Testicles !)

You name it. A porra eats the whole animal from the tip of it’s ears right past it’s ass – right to the feet. That reminds me trotters have also graced my saucepans.

Last night was a new experience. Tripe was the delicacy of the evening. I was upstairs and was convinced that Katy Kitten had somehow crapped herself (persians aren’t the cleverest and she has been known to sit in her own doo doo). Bless her.

I sniffed around. Checked her cat tray. No poo. Then I came to the conclusion of said “sat in own poo” scenario.

Found innocent Katy Kitten on a bed somewhere. Did bum check. Zip. Nothing. Clean as a whistle (yes, I do have to sniff her ass).

I eventually discovered the source of the offending crap smell was Porra cooking tripe.

Ehhhwwwwwooo.

Con’s #2

For obvious reasons, I do not always partake on the cooked body parts up on offer for supper. Even more so now that I am a veggie hugger for January. All said organs are laced in garlic and various other Porra type spices. Needless to say, Porra honks 90% of the time.

<Yes. We have bought Pongo’s. They should make extra strength Porra Pongo’s>

This unfortunately for Porra decreases his carnal knowledge chances. There is nothing worse that being slobbered on by someone reeking of garlic.

Cons #3

Because of my veggies only stance of the month, I have not been able to garner any sympathy from Porra. About any ailment. About any pain. About any mental anquish. He blames it totally on the fact I am not eating meat. This is a Porra “thing”. The minute I mention this ache or that ache, Porra immediately tries to find something in my diet that has messed up my health. Or a favourite is that I eat like a budgie and therefore I am lacking in something.

None-the-less, I wouldn’t swop him.

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Comments
  1. Sharon says:

    Hi There, I have read quite a number of your memoirs. It scares me alot as I have had a similar eperience like yours, I would like to know if I could email you now and then as it suites you. As it sounds like u have one hectic lifestyle. Keep up the Website it has helped me quite abit. I want to come to the meetings but am extremely scared to, hopefully I will pluck up enough courage.
    Kind Regards
    Sharon

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