Busy like a Beeeeeeee

Posted: March 3, 2011 in Recovery, Relationship shit

I cannot tell you how busy I am right now.

Well…..that seems to be one of those phrases that do not make sense………as of course……I can tell you………!

The Dreaded Auditors return on Monday…..so work is busy

I have the usual three recovery meetings a week.

And I have an extra meeting this week to sort out a legal issue with the complex/trustees usual drama.

And an extra meeting on the weekend to interview a recovering drug addict for my next due assignment.

I also played my “angel of mercy” role last night when an old friend had an emergency and I taxi’d her teenager home as a favour.

I admit to giving Daughter Dear “no-strings-attached” ten bucks this morning to alleviate my guilt at not spending any time with her this week. Except for Tuesday night when we excitedly caught up on our Vampire Diaries !

I have promised to devote my full being to her Friday night !

Porra and I even had our usual pay day/month end/where- the- fuck- is- my -money spat on Tuesday night. Something that has helped me IMMENSELY is that we are doing communication @ Fourth Step. Yo !

The spat went pretty well because of me and how I handled it. I spoke calmly. I asked Porra to lower his voice and not shout at me when he started getting mad. I called the shots on how I wanted to be spoken to.

We had the spat, resolved the issue (sort of……the amount of money that is due ain’t gonna fly out the sky neh ?) and – important for me – I did not drag MY feelings about the fight into the next day (my feelings not being in proportion to the spat, you understand ! I mean I shouldn’t feel abandonment about discussing finances…..but I usually do!).

We are getting on well……regardless. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

What has kept me sane and grounded through this mad busy time of mine is my 15 minutes of coffee and prayer each morning. I am usually a guilty prayer. I feel bad just saying point 1 – please do this ….point 2……please can you help me here.

I have decided to let it go and just ask. And throw in a few gratitudes too. Just to balance it out abit you know.

This is my special prayer spot.

Excuse the dark. But it is 5:45am in the morning !

The funny thing about all this is……I did not make this space to be my special prayer spot. But it’s turned out perfect for it….once I was ready.

Porra made the garden beautiful about a year ago….with a beautiful pond and spot lights and potted plants. I added the praying angel.

It’s a serene place in the morning. There are sounds I hear every day (and have done for ten years)…..it is my stability place. The old granny next door always listens to Cape Talk at full ball (they play crap music by the way inbetween the old people talking on the radio) ………I hear the other neighbour yawn and thump onto his wooden floors…….Katy Kitten always chases bugs while I am having my quiet time…….(spotlights attract them…it’s like kitten TV)…….

I’ve forced the prayer thing a bit per Lady Gandalf’s advice. But it’s helping me even if it is scheduled.

My safe spot.

  1. Bearskin says:

    I can relate to feeling too busy. My anxiety levels are way high at the moment – they are always worse when I have to rush around. I need down time, sitting on my bed or pottering around my house, to keep it manageable. I love that the program ‘works when you work it’ – so just right now I am working it! Despite missing the meeting last night. Hugs

  2. diddy says:

    Hi BS

    I felt VERY VERY buzzy yesterday and a little bit today. Thought it was only because I was busy busy.

    Bordering on manic (although I am not manic depressive !).

    I just asked my friend Google about Myprodol (which I took first thing when I woke up yesterday as I had a huge headache)…..and it has codeine in it and is used as an appetite suppressor as well.

    No wonder I will bzzzzzzzing about until midnight with no supper !!!!!!!

    Hugs to you !!!!

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