Prickly pear……!

Posted: April 12, 2011 in Anxiety, Depression, Medication, Oh woe is poor little me, Recovery

I seem to be in abit of an emotional slump at the moment.

Still stressed. Still prickly. Still feeling bitchy. Still feeling aggressive. Still feeling over serious.

I know I need to fix my resentment, anger and self pity which drag my emotional life down.

I know if I change my attitude towards life’s events and whatever is bugging me I will find some peace.

I need to stop sweating the small stuff that is bugging me and “let it go” <do not growl at Porra when he grinds salt over his food excessively….and from a height>

I am trying to do all the right things per the program.

Going to meetings even if I feel “funny”…..<like I should not be there because I am a burden because I am going through a slump>………

Going to church (two Sundays in a row. OMG !).

Still saying my morning prayers. Even though I am sure that even God is bored of my “help me” bleats.

Having said that……..perhaps I should expect some sort of emotional upheaval right now.

Living with an ex-boyfriend and a current boyfriend in my bachelorette pad is a tad on the difficult side. And it is not for the faint hearted.

And maybe this week is not the week to find my emotional Mecca !

Throw in a hairy teenager – not of my own blood –  sleeping on the couch and I am already frothing at the mouth.

Throw in my tweenie………..who is acting up with me now that Her- Dad -Who -She- Favours- Above- All- Others is here……

<I have fallen from grace in her eyes…………..but we have acknowledged that it is allowed for her Dad to be “The Favourite” while he is here>

Throw in Porra who is acting abit strange….

(a friend who was visiting on the weekend suggested Porra is nervous with Daughter Dear’s Dad around and hence is acting strange……he is constantly talking at the moment and telling not-funny-jokes!)

I would really love to be one of those people who

……..has an open welcoming house that smiles sweetly when the neighbourhood kids stomp dirt into the house and dribble their orange ice lollies on the floor……..(you know when mud gets into the groove of their trainers and you get little identical shoe mud cocaine like rows around the house ?)

or

allows seven children to sleep in the lounge and run amok all evening………regardless of Nutella being mooshed into the Wetherley’s rug

But …….. I am not that kind of person……

I have a grass basket just past my front door…..and said neighbourhood kids know to put their shoes in there…….they want to make a mess….? Get out of my space and go make a mess in Daughter Dear’s room……..

<I know it’s anal……but it’s a British thing from when I was a kid…that our shoes went into the box by the backdoor>

I like my personal space. I like my stuff to be where I want it to be <TV mag in magazine rack ….not on coffee table>

I crave some time alone or with Daughter Dear at a health spa.

Which is lacking right now…..

I am feeling bad just for wanting space. I have listed after a family of my own. Now I have people around me all the time and I’m irritated. I obviously would not be good as a mother of four. Or two for that matter.

I am also realising that I need my meds. All the time. Not half a dose every three days. Not half a dose once a day.

Full dose every day.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s