Putting on my big girl knickers…

Posted: June 16, 2011 in Recovery

I have been bleating forever and a day how much Menopausal Boss has been driving me fecking dilly.

If I had no restraint or just one more mental disorder, I swear I would have thumped her a few times.

Highly critical, probably an alcoholic, a bit of a bully……..it’s a poisonous environment to work in……MB walks out of our office area…..and the gossip about her starts until we hear her thumping back.

<I do try and restrain myself with the gossip….promise !>

Last week Tuesday was a particularly bad boss day.

My work was criticised in front of other staff (nothing out of the ordinary and other staff have mentioned to me “eish…..why’s she got a bug up her ass about you today “)….mainly because it was not done Menopausal Boss’s way. It was not wrong, but not how she likes it done. <No control issues here people!>

I try and find something similar from another client done before my time and copy that format, but somehow I always manage not to please !

There has been no formal training in her department of what is her level of “perfectionism” so I’m often oblivious that I’ve done it “wrong” until I get picked out about it.

There were various instances of nitpicking during the day. About basic menial work that someone who has been doing my job for 6 months could do.

Which left me internally furious. Irritated to the core. Like an incredulous “I can’t believe this happening” feeling. My brain wouldn’t let go of the situation. It was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. That simmering anger discontent fecked off feeling. Obsession I s’pose.

Just to put things into perspective, I have been doing my particular job since the moment I started work at age 17….

so let’s do the math…..I’m 41…….been doing the same fecking job for 24 years……

I also realised that I was feeling very insulted about the constant criticism.

Now…….another adult child of an alcoholic characteristic is to be “fearful of authority features”.

Now this does not mean I whimper in a corner peeing my pants if I have to interact with an authority figure…but rather that I try and limit my interaction, stay out of their way or……..try certain tactics…..

A favourite tactic is for me to people please a boss. Now…..if the person in question is abit of a bully…this tactic does not work well for very long.

Basically I arse creep for a while, the bully remains what they are….which is a bully……and I eventually get tired of being the nice one ….usually as I’ve had no results.

Then I might change my modus operandi to “avoid and ignore”. Keep under the radar and do my own thing to try and avoid having my temper poked.

One of my old pre-recovery tactics was to rather contact an authority figure by email …….but I’ve dropped that one as I realised it was such a transparent -chicken- shit -way of dealing with managers.

By Wednesday morning, I had prayed to find a solution to the ongoing problem. It was feeling like the retrenchment hanging over my head might actually be a blessing !

In the end I asked Menopausal Boss if I could chat to her in private……..I calmly and as uncritical as I could told her I was very frustrated and irritated. I asked her to please show me how she wants things done from A to Z because I am finding her picking me out constantly. That I do not understand how she wants things done because she’s never shown me how she likes it done !

That I was finding other staff below me having attitude towards me…..probably because they were copying her attitude towards me which was right in front of their noses every day.

At the end of it all, it was the best thing I could have done…..to swallow my usual fears and put on my big girl knickers and speak face-to-face to the work authority figure in my life.

She even thanked me for calling her aside to talk to her and admitted her wrongdoings in the situation and was pleased I’d already come up with a solution.

Just shows that even just being aware of my characteristics is a huge help.

Let’s see how it goes heh.

  1. Vanessa says:

    Well done! Bossy bosses are the worst!

    • diddy says:

      Vanessa – yup. tell me about it !

      Bearskin – thanks ! Yes. I admit I’m proud of the different way I handled the situation.
      I’ve realised that being an adult child means I have difficulty in most relationships…..not just the intimate ones.

  2. Bearskin says:

    Wow!! Well done. I hope you are very proud of yourself and have given yourself some serious praise!!

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