The recently deflowered girl

Posted: August 15, 2011 in Medication, Recovery, Relationship shit, Sexual abuse

I assume it is the same for all couples. Porra has some standard “jokes”. The inverted commas are not by accident Dear Blog. The first few times I heard the “jokes” four years ago they were funny. Not tummy ache funny, but snort-snort-ha-ha funny.

Four years later, I can predict which joke comment will fall out of Porra’s mouth at what moment.

It does not irritate me. I find it funny that he says the same thing again and again. I usually shout “I’ve heard that one already !!!!!” But it does not stop the same comment being said again for the next 12 months !

This weekend was Porra and I’s four year anniversary. Enter stage left Porra’s anniversary joke. He calls it “annimisery“. I heard the word four times this weekend !!!

We combined Porra’s favourite delights of Bikes, Baths, Boobs and Bonking and headed north to a hot spring resort. Just the two of us. No kids.

I only mention boobs because Dr Cool has bestowed upon me the gift of an unexpected boob job. The prescribed Eglynol has made my boobs swell up. It is sore. It is uncomfortable. It feels like I am ready to breastfeed. But it is a pleasant change to have a bigger chest. So the pro’s are outweighting the cons at the moment !

So off to the hot baths in the middle of winter squeezing my sore upper body into a tight swimming costume.

<A bright blue “tankini” costume with boy pant bottoms which Porra hates. He cried out in dismay when he saw I had bought that costume along. He says he is going to throw it away. He wants me to wear my black tiny bikini out and about. The one I only wear in the garden when I suntan>

What I have realised from the weekend is that just because Porra and I had a 3 month sexual vacation, it does not mean that the healing work is over. It was not a magic fix it all. Just like an anti-depressant is not a magic fix it for the causes of depression. It has helped with my immediate symptoms towards sex which was anxiety and avoidance and distaste.

<But I do think the 3 months was worth it. My brain has shifted a little. Not sure how much yet. But I feel abit different>

I have realised that I think like a man when it comes to intimacy. I want to get in, get my rocks off and get out of the situation as soon as possible. In a bizarre pairing of fate, the cosmos has paired me with a latino lover who’s greatest desire is to make-da- lurve for hours on end. Even after 3 months apart, I was back to my usual habit of “get it over with as soon as possible”.

I have linked this up to my childhood where I wanted the sexual experience to be over as quick as possible. I do not want to be oversharing or gross, but my childhood experiences were about my stepdad getting his rocks off and departing. It was quick. I definitely would not have wanted the experience to last an hour or two.

My adult sexual mindset is set for ten or so minutes. Any longer and I try and hurry things along to get it over with. This impacts on enjoyment as I don’t experience what I should as I am too busy getting it all over and done with thank you very much.

Two days later after “deflowerment” I mentioned this “jump on, jump off …..kind of lover” scenario to Porra. He says he also thought of it and came to the same conclusion as me.

I suspect the way around this is to extend the situation past 5 minutes that I am uncomfortable with. Very slowly over a period of time. 5 minutes at a time.

Other than that, I did not experience any flashbacks which I was very pleased about.

More work to be done………..



  1. Tara says:

    It sounds like things are moving in the right direction. 🙂

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