Finding the miserable child within

Posted: November 29, 2011 in Oh woe is poor little me, Recovery, Sexual abuse


You would think that seeing a Dr Ruth would involve ….well….not sex…..and no surrogate sex……but at least some discussions around sex/my enjoyment of it (not)/PTSD flashbacks and what have you.

We have not talked about current day sex (or lack there of) once !

I have heard of Dr Eve workshops that sounded like more like (to me) sexual shock treatment. I knew that sort of “therapy” would not work for me. Porra already shocks me half to death with his Latino sexual nature.

I knew I would need a gentler approach that would not scare the living de-Jesus out of of me….The sex shock therapy type would leave me feeling more of an alien because I would not be able to commune and love my vulva dangly bits.  Sex scares me.

I have realised that my Dr Ruth is actually doing inner child work with me.

The slap- in -your-face- obvious clue is that I have this week been asked to do two drawings for homework. All with my non-dominant hand.

My friend Google Chrome (I’ve ditched the old bastard normal Google) spews forth plenty of information about non-dominant hand writing or drawing.

<I’ve download a PDF to look at in my “spare” time. Something along the lines of chubby crayons et al>

The short of it all is that the non-dominant therapy lark is to connect with the child within.

“Most people report that they have found their inner child: emotions, playfulness, creativity, physical stamina, intuition, gut instinct, creativity. This is the most common experience. And it is real”

Some people even report that they journal in the “normal” hand and “non dominant” alternatively.  In a kind of discussion format between the child inside and the adult today.

I was always taught that talking to yourself is a sign of madness. This is clearly old-fashioned 1950’s madness. The latest and  newest “sign of madness” surely is chatting to Child Diddy. Having an argument perhaps.

I think I’ll skip that bit.

Sometimes I am not sure I want to meet the Diddy within.  Last session, I felt an extreme sense of inner miserableness and hurt. I know the Diddy within is a very sad, hurt child

<I get the picture of the girl from the well in The Ring in my head>

Homework picture no 1 – With non-dominant hand – draw a sequence of an analogy I use often about my situation. I ate a bad cookie years ago, I vomited in my lap and I don’t know what to do with this vomit.  Nothing I can do about the cookie, but the vomit still sinks ! I know why the vomit is there !

Homework picture no 1 – draw room where the sexual abuse predominantly occurred or where the worst instance of abuse occurred. Dr Ruth suggests doing this the night before the next session as it can be abit of a mind feck.

This all sounds a bit hectic, but I am keen to go this route.




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