Things that cry in the night

Posted: February 11, 2012 in Anxiety, Depression, Sexual abuse, Trying to be a good parent !

It’s been a rough week Tweenie wise.

Having a nearly thirteen year old, you would think 4am wake up calls would be a thing of the past.

Things are not right with Tweenie. They haven’t been for a while. Her battles are ongoing and are holding her back.

I woke at 4am this morning being prodded by a sniffling Tweenie. She has camp on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and is scared of sleeping so far away from home.

She had a friend to sleep over last night and dumped the friend at 4am in favour of crawling into bed with me.

Tweenie is a big girl. Not much smaller than me. Three adult size people does not work so we got up so I could make us warm milky drinks (me) and decaff (her).

Tweenie also had a bad dream during the week –  which has been freaking her out for four or five days – where she dreamt her new teacher Coach E kissed and groped her. Tears every morning.

<we did have the conversation that your hormones not only change your body, but your brain and that sexual dreams could be a possibility because of the hormones whizzing around her body. That if she was born in 1605, she would be at a ripe old age to be married off and be having babies already. I have suggested she try and dream of Jacob from Twilight rather and have shared with her that Robbie Williams is favourite kissing dreamof mine>

I’ve gone into self assessment mode wondering whether it was a bright idea to tell her about my own experiences with my step-dad.  I’ve never sat her down and gone into great detail about my own childhood stuff, but she does know that my step dad abused me and this is why she has never met my family because my mother is still married to him and I feel uncomfortable with it…..

I had to explain my lack of family somehow. Without making up one helleva lie. And anyone who knows me will tell you I call a spade a spade.

It’s always been there as a matter of fact about my history. I choose not to continue with any secrets in my life and that includes being honest with my child about why I battle sometimes, why I go to a 12 step fellowship, take anxiety medication and visit a therapist…

Of course now I am doubting my spade is a spade mentality and wondering if I should have kept mum about it all.

But on the other hand…Tweenie finds anxiety in so many things…..she is predisposed to it.

Swimming galas

Music concerts

School plays

School outings

Lack of aftercare in 2013 (yes…she has already had a few sleepless nights about that one)

Fear of her period coming (packed bath bag with spare panties and a pad)

Fear of not having enough stationery for tests (packed a special pencil box with an “exam kit” to soothe her)

Fear of me having a car accident on the way to work after leaving her at school or on the way to a 12 step meeting <she always says goodbye to me as if it is the last time she will ever see me. A little unnerving. Scares me into wearing my seatbelt)

The one therapist did suggest that I am codependent with Tweenie and I enable her and her anxiety. When she wants to be, she can be a fearful and scared child who will NOT go into art class unless I sit outside. When she wants to be, she can run off into the sunset for a sleep over at her best friends house without a second thought about me <although I do get BBM’s at 11pm saying….”I miss youuuuuuuu “.

She panics if I leave her alone. Even for 30 seconds. What am I meant to do Mr Hard Ass Therapist ? Be cruel and leave her crying and freaking out  ?

Even if I need to go the garage to fetch something out of the car, she fusses to come with me and refuses to be left alone. “Noooo mommy….Noooooo mommy”.

Milk from the cafe a block away…..hell no, “I won’t let you go without me”

Art class for 2 hours on a Saturday at a local church ? She refuses to go on her own unless I sit outside waiting for her.

Sitting outside as we speak….

Unfortunately I don’t have a comparison child for me to gauge whether this is normal behaviour. I have probably let this all go on for so long because I am used to it. She has always been a high maintenance child.



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