Fear of Missing Out

Posted: November 17, 2012 in Anxiety, Oh woe is poor little me

A friend diagnosed me to the tee today. She knows me better than I do. I know I have the FOMO syndrome. I always think that my friends/Porra/the cats/the domestic/the neighbours are all having a fabulous happy life and somehow left me behind and forgotten about me. That I am alone in the world.

To me silence is not golden. A quiet cellphone is not a blessing. It signals everyone else is just too fucking busy being happy.

This became very apparent to be recently when I hadn’t heard much from a good friend for a couple of months. The logical side of my brain knows, but conveniently forgets the fact that she is a) married b) has two children c) has – in the last six months – bought a retail shop that is open seven days a week. Mostly until 7pm each night d) her elderly mother has been recently widowed and relies on her plenty.

I know all of these things, but my emotional brain thinks she is super content and carrying on a champagne squilling, Lindt ball scoffing, socially packed life without me. Because…..I’m not worth it. I admit I have had a good cry about it on a few occassions.

When I did eventually hook up with said friend, the true story is that she’s been battling her own shit and probably has an equal amount of shit on her plate as I do.

Silence from friends means I go off into my head jumping to the wrong  conclusion about me and what I mean to them or is there room for me in said friends life. Sounds very self centred I know. It really is just a really crap self esteem.

I don’t necessary want to be out living it up at fancy smancy restaurants or being at functions all the time. The Fear of Missing Out feelings I feel are more along the emotionally abandoned genre. That I crave the feeling of being liked and loved and wanted. I don’t care if we play Snap ! and have coffee  and a ciggie. It’s the emotional connection that I FOMO about. Not wanting  to feel left out because I’m not good enough.

The feeling of FOMO comes and goes. I don’t feel it all the time. If I am feeling happy and contented and connected to people, a visit to Facebook will not “hurt” me………. but I’m feeling abandoned, bored, lonely and sorry for myself, Facebook is not the place for me to be trawling !

As a matter of self-help investigation, I googled “Fear of Missing Out” and there’s is plenty of information on  it and why Facebook et al makes it worse.

But googling “Cure for Fear of Missing Out” yields a big fat zero.

Anyone got the cure ?! Please share.

Wine would probably work. Because then you don’t give a shit what anyone else is up to.

  1. hilaryisabel says:

    FOMO – I spend a lot of time at home alone at night when my little one is asleep and no maid so no going out – I feel FOMO a lot but find that if I return to my own room where I am sitting (lounge) and ask myself in all seriousness who I would like to be with and what I would like to be doing then generally I find that I am just where I wanted to be anyway – sometimes a little blue is better than anyone else – also remind myself that I am the only best friend I will ever have who will be there from birth to death and at all important bits inbetween and most nb UNDERSTANDS everything so I need other people for what exactly…. okay and sometimes I am just FOMO DEluxe – sounds like a washing machine gone beserk..

    • diddy says:

      FOMO for me is all in the mind. I realised after writing this post…..that it is a desire to be considered by people in my life. Probably because as a child I was not considered or taken into account and just had to float around getting emotional scraps. Like I said it doesn’t have to be a party or an event that I am missing out on…… I am happy for a friend to fit me in for sms’s, a coffee or just to be in their thoughts. If left to my own musings, I slip into “no one loves me mode”.

      But yes ….. you are right……it is about being your own best friend.

      Sometimes though – we are also our own worst enemy !

      The key is probably to try and be a good decent best friend to yourself.


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