Going sober and Porra leaves Maison Diddy

Posted: July 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

I have not posted for ages.

I used to have a lot of free time at my previous job and it was ritual to come into work, have two strong coffees straight up and blog for an hour. If they were lucky, I’d start doing actual work around ten am.

Since moving to a new job in September 2012 and the following six month stint as a workoholic, I have been scared about privacy issues as I suspect the internet is closely closely monitored…….so I don’t blog from work, Being in two 12 step programs and being a single working mom, I just don’t get to my home PC much.

Since my blog was last mega active, Porra (bless his heart) has moved out to his own place with Messi, his hairy teenager.

But – all is not lost – it has worked out for the best. Our relationship is better than ever and I am feeling happier than I have for a long time. 

His son decided in January 2013 that he did not want to live with his mother anymore and started staying more and more at my little two bedroomed flat. Full time with overnight stays at his mates house. She went back to her alcoholic boyfriend and Messi quite rightly so did not want to subject himself to the drama and aggression that can he had previously experienced with that territory.

My life. Bottom line, too many bodies and not enough space.

I found it extremely difficult to share my 89 square metres with three other people (two of which were big continental hairy men) and all the extra surfboards, rugby gear, hoodies, laptaps et al.  I felt totally suffocated and out of control and  stomped all over. I felt (as they call it in the Big Book) DISTURBED. I felt angry that I had no space or privacy. I felt irritated that my home looked like multiple suitcases had exploded in every room. I was pissed off there were three laptops on my dining room table where we eat. I felt fucked off that the kitchen was constantly in use making my curtains, towels and bedclothes constantly smell like fried onions and garlic (I know I know it is trivial, I am sensitive to smell)

It was not necessarily just the extra bodies and stuff in my space, but also different parenting styles between Porra and I in relation to 17 year old Messi. 

I could understand that Porra felt sorry for Messi what with his mother choosing her loser boyfriend over her own son…….I could hold it all together nine times out of ten, but the tenth time I burst an artery were the times that everyone could remember and slate me for. All the tolerance that I had tried so hard to give would be wiped out so quickly.

Porra saw no problem with Messi keeping his own schedules….which included watching TV until midnight and making fried stinky midnight snacks. I would see the glare of the TV bouncing off the hall cupboard and straight into my retina while I tried to sleep, smelling freshly popped popcorn and it just peeved me off no end.

Yes – the solution would be to close my door…….but some ogre in me wants all the house to be in bed at a reasonable hour. Anal me likes to tidy the kitchen and fluff the couch pillows and burn my final incense of the day and turn in. All sorted and calm in Maison Diddy so I can feel asleep calm and safe in the knowledge that all is right within my four walls.

This ended up in arguments about me being a control freak (maybe) and Porra letting his teenager be an adult in the house. I relate it to being similar to living with your inlaws. Living with another adult type person is a different kettle of fishies then living with a kid who you tell when to do to bed and when to get their freaking head out of the fridge for the tenth time that night.

I felt like I lost my pecking order and adult status in the house…..which is actually my house that I had paid for and lived in for 13 years,

A difficult situation.

I was – at the time – the lone lamb bleating up a fucking storm – that this was not the way to live. Bleat bleat !!!!

Thank God, another lamb in the herd eventually echoed my bleats. After six months of living on top of each other and Messi travelling an hour to school and an hour back from school, he briefly mentioned to his Dad Da Porra, that the travelling and living arrangements were not working for him either.

Within a week, Porra and Messi had found a place closer to his school and now they live there in the week, Leaving me in my calm, peaceful, cat friendly and incense infuzed maison.

Amazingly during this time, I managed to stay sober. I couldn’t say I was emotionally sober, but the 15 July was my seven month sober mark.

This weekend (my week without PMS I might add) I can honestly say has been the greatest weekend for ages.

Nothing particularly fabulous happened. I did not go to the Madame Zingara Show (want to go), I did not win the lotto, I did not get free Botox.

But I felt contented and blessed in my own skin.

 

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Comments
  1. hilaryisabel says:

    Thank you for the post – feeling a tad overwhelmed myself and need a good clearing out -with me all of it is work issues and me issues I guess. Just really good to get a post from you and to hear you so centred… aluta continua!

    • diddy says:

      Hi H

      Thank you for checking in.

      I read a good daily inspirational email today about only taking on the burdens of that 24 hours and not taking on all the past and all the future.

      I think that is what has changed for me.

      Keep coming back !

      D
      x

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