Little brother, shall we meet again ?

Posted: August 29, 2013 in My birth Dad Sperm Donor, Recovery

therapist

I have been fantasizing for many moons about visiting my country of birth and hooking up with sperm donor and my little brother.

He was around two when our parents divorced and they did the barbaric thing and split the siblings up. Girls with my mother and boys with my sperm donor. I left England when I was 12 and we have seen each other a handful of times.

I cannot remember how it came about and who instigated what, but we wanted to skype so we swopped numbers over email and used what’s app to connect on a time and date to be ready to skype.

To cut a long story short, we whats app on a regular basis and it has been easier (as it is) to open up over messaging. I’ve told him I am in AA. He has told me he also had drinking problems and has a sober date of about three years ago and his liver was starting to shut down yadda yadda. It’s been heart warming for me because he often initiates the contact (puffs chest up like a pigeon).

So the theory that alcoholism is in ones genes has been proven by my strange family tree. We did not grow up in the same environment, not with the same parents, let alone the same country and we are both alcoholics.

Shall we meet half way he joked.
Well I’ve been kinda looking for flights says me.
I will help you ! I am so excited he says.
Sleep on it ! I will help you pay too he says.

All I needed was a little nudge and a validation. It didn’t take much for me to start planning a trip and getting flight quotes, checking out my leave, emailing school about school holidays. I do not want to accept any money from my brother, but I just wanted either him or my Dad to just offer. To put their money where there mouth is.

It’s all very easy to glibby say yeah come over. It’s not a drop in for a Sunday lunch, bring a rice pudding. It’s three months or more worth of single mom take home pay to get my ass over there .

All I have ever wanted was someone to be excited (really excited) to see me and I seem to have found that in my brother. Probably because we seem to have lots of commonality. I say probably because I am wary that any tom, dick or diddy could make a connection over a medium such as messaging or email. Face to face could be very bloody different and that worries the heck out of me.

I wasn’t terribly fearful of this trip when I shifted my brain cells into parting with some of my bond money. I need to book in the next week or two. Until I emailed Sperm Donor to tell him I had been chatting to Little Bro and it was likely I would be gracing pommyland with my sober ass on such and such dates.

I received a reply back that Little Bro had been on the phone to Sperm Donor to chat about my upcoming trip in 2014 and that – on an unrelated issue – they had an argument and could I keep Sperm Donor posted on my trip via email because Little Bro and he are probably going to be speaking anytime soon.

WTF ?

I have come to realise, that this time leading up to my trip for a family reunion is a God send and me knowing about potential heave ho’s is a huge blessing. This time is largely going to be about adjusting my fantasies. Scaling them back to a large degree. Perhaps to nil expectations. Mixing in a huge dose of reality. Adding a huge dollop of love and tolerance and what can I do for my unknown family rather than what can they do for me.

Dorset here I come !

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Comments
  1. fern says:

    I love this post and can relate. I spent a life time downsizing my imaginary perception of my family to the reality of what I’ve got. Acceptance takes time.

  2. diddy says:

    I kind of always thought that seeing my UK family would be about me getting a healing experience. Kind of like putting a nail in the healing coffin. A final piece of the puzzle.

    But talking to my brother more and more, I see it’s not going to be what I can get out of it because what I can bring.

    My brother has really been opening up to me over the messaging and their is more drama that I suspected.

    Which totally blows my victim fantasy out of the water that he is the beloved son and I am the ostracised black sheep (boo hooo!)

    Thanks for sharing Fern.

    D
    x

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