Tickets booked and paid for

Posted: October 2, 2013 in My birth Dad Sperm Donor, Oh woe is poor little me

Well. I finally put my money where my mouth is and have booked and paid for two tickets to the UK in June/July next year.

By coincidence, it is 9 months away. The same time as the gestation period for a new human life.

I’ve been in contact with my little brother around dates and us planning him taking leave while I am there.

I am grateful I’ve been in contact with him before hand as he’s let me in on some goings on that I have not been aware of.

Over the years, I have built up a victim fantasy that my little brother (he’s 40 actually so he is not that little) and my Sperm Donor Dad have a wonderful relationship and poor little me (by means of immigration to South Africa) has lost out on my father’s love.

I was the daughter that got away. The one that would be close to my Dad. I thought we may be similar. And somewhere deep in my heart I felt we would connect. What with him owning a motorbike company and me riding a bike.

Ah…….but this is the wonderful DVD box set that I have built up in my mind. Where I am stage centre victim and there is a happy ending in a cloud of bike exhaust fumes

Little brother has filled me in on the difficulties around his past and present relationship with my Dad and summarises as ” Dad has pissed off most of the people in his life and abandoned all of his children at one point or another. He needs a good kick in the bollocks”.

Little brother – last we spoke – was not sure he even wanted to include Sperm Donor Dad in his life anymore due to past hurts, let downs and all round bad parenting skills.

*Poof* there goes the fantasy. 30 plus years *poof* all in one go.

I have 9 months to lower my expectations of my Dad down to ground zero. 9 months for it to sink in.

I always thought the reunion after 20 years would be the nail in my healing coffin and I could lay to rest most of my abandonment issues, but it would appear I will just have to be facing up to the reality that my Dad is human. And a fickle one at that !


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