About moi

 

I’m a 43 year old SWF. Grew up in England and immigrated to SA when I was 12.

I’ve lived all around South Africa. In JHB, Eastern Cape and now Cape Town with a very brief unpleasant stint in Durban.

Was a single parent for 8 years, but started living with BF 6 years ago which has its (huge) challenges, good and bad, but has been a positive relationship for me all in all. The best so far. The fact that he is a Porra and can cook up a storm is an added bonus. Minus points for me and Tweenie smelling like garlic all the time !

I’m part of a 12 step fellowship called Adult Children of Alcholics which has led to loads of insightfulness and recovery and is the best thing I’ve done for myself. I am very grateful for the insight and tools learnt.

Somewhere during the life of my blog, I came to the crap realisation that I am also an alcoholic of the variety “binge-r vulgarius” and  thus my involvement with the mothership AA.

This blog will be my thoughts (aka ramblings), my sometimes huge, sometimes no progress and my on-going recovery as a child (now adult perhaps !) who was raised by – not one – but two active alcoholics. A history of the problems and life lessons I’ve  learnt over the years to now ….and my own shortcomings with depression, booze, drugs, relationships, anxiety and a not so great start to life with my very own Addams family.

Common characteristics of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA) include (but not limited to !!!):

 

We have no frame of reference for normal behavior and guess at what normal is

We have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end

We lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth

We judge ourselves and others without mercy

We have difficulty having fun and take ourselves very seriously

We have difficulty with intimate relationships

We over react to changes over we have no control

We constantly seek approval and affirmation

We feel we are different from other people  (I’m not ???!)

We are either super responsible or super irresponsible

We are extremely loyal even in the face of evidence where our loyalty is undeserved

We are impulsive

We are addicted to excitement

We are terrified of abandonment

We feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves

I have dabbled with AA fellowship three times and I am currently in my “third time lucky” stint. I was not sure where I stood there as I’m not the type to hide my vodka bottle in the toilet cistern at work. It was a big step to give up vino completely.

I’m told I have a great sense of humour which is quite funny seeing as I’ve had depression and anxiety for a large part of my teenage and adult life as well as a couple of breakdowns where a clinic would have been a nice alternative to getting through it on my own.

I’m hoping my sense of humour comes across in my blog and that my blog doesn’t end up a one (wo)man pity party.

I am mad about persian cats, but not mad about giving them their daily grooming.  I am mad about motorbikes, but cats and motorbikes don’t mix so those are seperate hobbies

The opinions in my blog are my own experience, strength and hope.  Any conflicting comments (in line with any 12 step fellowship) are not intended to be harmful and are of my own opinion.

This sounds like a disclaimer !

Take what you like and leave the rest.

Comments
  1. Bearskin says:

    Glad you were able to chose the pink glasses today. We are going to miss the towers – going to DKB. Hope you enjoy the weekend. Hugs

  2. Bearskin says:

    Thank you. I imagine that took a lot of courage. I was so moved by your story. Poor little girl. So glad that your adult you can comfort and heal your little you. Lots of hugs.

  3. Vannessa says:

    Don’t want to be rude and not comment… Will hopefully see you tonight at the bloggers meet-up! I must say I can totally identify with you when it comes to avoidance of s.ex!! Not for the same reasons though. Only found your blog now, so still have to read a bit more…..

  4. Charlotte says:

    Please go check out the link it will be great to get you involved
    http://mommystoes.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/bloggers-secret-santa/

  5. randomthoughtso says:

    Wow. I’m blown away. I realised things about myself today, from reading your About page. Am sitting here, reading your blog and crying. I’m sure you understand why. Strength and beautiful life wishes to you x

  6. Maddie says:

    Love your blog, I stumbled upon it while looking for adult children of alcoholics and their love of chaos. Your blog is now saved on my bookmarks and I check it often and love what you have to write. It helps me break out of my shell and bring my love of chaos ( that must be explained because I make art about it… and you know there’s always a why behind everything… one simply can not love chaos there has to be a why) so I found my why, I’m an acoa… thank you for helping me along my journey thus far… I’ve only just figured out why I can’t keep a boyfriend and why I bake cakes and cookies and go out of my way for EVERYONE… I’m scared of abondonment. Ha but anyways thanks again for being honest and funny and helping me realise it is ok to be an adult mess… most everyone is… and maybe me explaining my chaotic art will help someone else realise their childhood shaped who they are today as well. Thank you, Maddie

    • diddy says:

      Hi Maddie

      Welcome ! and I can definitely relate to being addicted to chaos in all our affairs.

      A wonderful book that set me on my path was “The Intimacy Struggle” by Dr Jan Woritz. She also has a good website with resources.

      Have to thought about attending a face to face adult child meeting ?

      Love
      Diddy
      x

      • madalinesvencner says:

        Diddy I have tried an adult children of alcoholics meeting and it wasn’t helpful. I’m sure I should have given it atleast a month or 4 meetings but it just wasnt productive for me. I don’t understand the process of no one addressing what you have said. I will take a peek at that book it sounds like it maybe very helpful. Thankyou a lot! 

        Sent from my Galaxy S®III

      • diddy says:

        Hi there
        Any 12 step counsellor I’ve seen would have recommended a minimum of 4- 6 meetings.
        In my experience, the time and place for any “direct” addressing would be speaking to an old timer after the meeting or by getting a sponsor. In adult child I’ve experienced co-sponsoring which is much more gentle. More like friends in recovery learning the tools together.
        Hope the book helps. It definitely started me on my path.
        D
        x

  7. I love that you talk about ACOA. I was involved in the early nineties in Ontario. It saved me in many ways. I met one of my closest friends now. I had asked her to sponsor me and we hit it off. I loved reading those characteristics you posted above. I forgot all about them. It was great to feel like I wasn’t alone in all the feelings I had. It was difficult at first. I would listen to the others talking about living on the streets, having a gun pulled on them by a parent, being beaten senseless, going without food. All terrible stuff. I felt like a fraud! Why was “I” there? I downplayed all the shit that happened to me. I had been downplaying it all my life. Just as I have been downplaying my drinking all these years. I discovered through a few really good speakers of acoa that my nervous habits were escapes from traumatic emotions. I learned about projection. I felt less crazy.
    Thanks for having this blog. I am loving the writing. cheers

    • diddy says:

      Thanks for your comment ! I can definitely can relate to downplaying the childhood stuff.

      I stopped going to ACOA for about a year to concentrate on my AA stuff and soberity, but started again in December after a years soberity as is suggested.

      Once we’re found ACOA we don’t feel so alone hey ? It’s a wonderful and intimate programme.

      Thanks for stopping by the blog and keep coming back

      D
      x

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